The End of One Thing and the Beginning of Another
by KirigiriKyoko
Summary: Why does it take only a minute to say hello, but forever to say goodbye? Slow build between Tanaka and Murao. Romance/Drama/Tragedy. TanakaxMurao
1. Chapter 1

**The End of One Thing and the Begining of Another by KirigiriKyoko**

 **Summary:** **Why does it take only a minute to say hello, but forever to say goodbye? Romance/Drama/Tragedy. TanakaxMurao**

 **Disclaimer:** **I don't own Ao Haru Ride**

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間_ _-_

The hospital corridor was stuffy and the air had an undertone of bleach. The walls were a plain beige and had scrapes in places from the hundreds of carts that had bumped into them. The pictures on the walls were cheesy prints of uplifting scenes and above the double doors were large blue plastic signs displaying the names of the areas of the hospital that lie ahead. In a small room on the right hand side of the hall sat a young girl by the name of Shuuko Murao who stood by the bedside of a dying woman.

"Shuuko," a weak voice filled the silent room. "My time has come."

"Mother plea-" Murao whispered gently, but was cut off by a light squeeze of her hand.

"You've grown to be so beautiful, my precious daughter." A small smile graced the woman's face. Tears, not of sorrow, but of love rolled down her pale, hollowed out cheeks. " _Tu ne cede malis sed contra audentior ito_ ; Yield not to misfortunes, but advance all the more boldly against them. You can survive this my child. I know you can. Be brave, hold your head up high. I love you my beautiful, beautiful little girl."

Tears were threatening to spill out of Murao's eyes. Her petite frame was shaking slightly as she stared down at her mothers ghostly white hand cradled in her own.

"Mother... Don't leave me," she whispered, the tears finally escaping. "Don't leave me here alone! I don't want to go on without you! Please... Mother."

"Just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I'm not there. I will always be looking your way, I'll be watching over you. For. Ever. I promise."

Murao watched as her mothers eyes drifted to a close, and felt as her mothers hand grew limp. She listened as the heart monitor flat lined, and she listened as the doctor announced;

 _"Time of death, 9:27"_

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間_ _-_

Murao returned to school as if nothing had happened. No one knew about her mothers death and she planned to keep it that way. She didn't need anyone to take pity on her.

"Ugh, I can't believe your mom didn't let you go out last night!" A loud, whiny voice could be heard echoing through out the almost deserted hallway.

"Oh my god I know right?! I hate her, I wish she would just like, die!"

Murao was about to turn around and head to class, but when she heard this her stomach dropped. Her breathing faltered. A sharp pang resonated in her chest.

 _"I hate her!"_

 _"I wish she would die!"_

Thegirls words echoed through mind and chilled her to the very core.

How- how could they say that? How could you wish for a loved one to be dead?

Tears began to cloud her vision. The thought of her mothers cold, limp hand in hers flashed in her mind. The sight of the life slowly draining from her body haunted her. She could almost smell the sick sent of death mixed with bleach that surrounded the hospital she had frequented. Murao felt sick, she felt dizzy, she needed to get away. So she did. Taking off in a blind dash to the roof she tried to banish the thoughts from her head. But It wasn't working and her tears kept flowing. She didn't notice the rapidly approaching body until it was to late. She ran straight into whoever was in the middle of the hallway. His papers went flying everywhere and she went shooting back a few feet.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!" Murao said trying to make her voice sound less shaky. She hid her tear stained face by keeping her head down and picking up the folders as quickly as possible.

"I'm really sorry again, bye!" The black haired girl shoved the folders back into his hands abruptly and tried to dash away. His hand shot out and grabbed her arm before she could run.

"Murao? Hey, are you okay?" Her face paled. Of all people to run into, why did it have to be Tanaka sensei? She knew if he saw her face he would demand to know what's wrong. She just couldn't handle talking about it right now.

"H-hey Tanaka sensei, I- I'm fine."

Her voice was still uneven, it didn't provide for a strong argument.

"No, you're not. Look at me."

"I'm fine" Murao protested still not turning around. More and more tears were cascading down her cheeks.

"Look at me."

She let out a cross between a squeak and a groan. The black haired girl didn't have time to react before he spun her around to face him.

"Murao?" He said, his voice cracking slightly. She kept her gaze fixed on the floor not daring to look up into his eyes.

"What's wrong? Murao..."

It was to late to go back now, she couldn't play it off as nothing. She could try running but she knew it was a waste of effort. They had become rather close over the years. She had even grown to love him over time. She knew if she ran he would follow.

"Not here." Murao whispered quietly. She Needed fresh air. She need to get out of this building. Murao could still hear those two girls laughing, it hurt, it hurt her so bad.

"Of course"

Murao quickly made her way up the stairs, eager to reach the roof top. Eager to get away from the prying gazes of lingering students; and honestly eager to have some time to sit with Tanaka Sensei. She knew the chances of something happening were slim to none, but a girl could dream right? The breeze on the rooftop was comforting. Murao liked the way her hair brushed her face and whipped around her neck and shoulders. She almost forgot Tanaka had followed her up here, but the sudden hand on her shoulder brought her back to the reality of the situation.

"Why are you crying?" He asked gently,

She opened ger mouth to respond but closed it quickly after.

 _"I hate her!"_

 _"Mother please, don't leave me!"_

 _"I wish she would die!"_

 _"I love you my beautiful, beautiful little girl"_

 _"Time of death: 9:27"_

Murao was so overwhelmed, tears were coming down like a waterfall. Her legs began to give out. She fell to her knees and hugged her arms to her chest.

"Time of death: 9:27"

 _"Time of death: 9:27"_

 ** _"Time of death: 9:27"_**

Sobs wracked the ravenette's entire body. She couldn't contain it anymore. All of her withheld grief, anger and pain was let out all out once. It was like the floodgates meant to contain her overflowing emotions broke all at once.

Warm arms encircled the broken girls waist, she pressed her face and arms against his chest, tears creating a wet patch on his sweater. But She was to hysterical to care.

"Why?!" She screamed

"Why did she have to leave me?! She was all I ever had!" Murao was shaking violently, it was beginning to seriously worry Tanaka. He was so scared and confused. He didn't know how to react. He wanted to hold her and kiss her tears and pain away, but he knew he couldn't. All he could do was sit silently and try and soother the sobbing girl.

"Why did she have to go?" Mauro choked out between heart wrenching sobs.

"It wasn't her time yet! So why?! Why did she have to go..."

"Shhhhhhh it's okay" Tanaka cooed lightly into her ear as her rocked her back and fourth in an attempt to calm the hysterical girl.

"Why..." She whispered over and over. It broke his heart to see her like this. No one ever deserved to feel this much pain.

"I don't want to be alone.." She choked out. She was still crying, but the shaking and the pained screaming stopped. After a few minuets of sitting on silence she slipped out of his grasp and scooted over the the ledge where she swung her legs over the side and rested her head on the railing. Her hair floated around her face, moving with the breeze. It was enchanting to Tanaka, but he quickly brushed the thought off and moved to sit next to Murao.

"I'm sorry." She finally spoke out. Her voice raspy from crying for so long.

"For what?"

"For being a nuisance. you should go back inside now, you probably have something to do."

"No actually I'm off for the rest of the day."

"Oh.."

"Murao?"

"Yeah?"

"You will never be a nuisance to me"

A small smile accompanied by a slight blush graced Murao's face. A small pink tinge appeared on his face as well.

"Thank you." She said sincerely, moving her gaze from the sky line to tanaka.

He smiled "always."

They sat in a comfortable silence, for the rest of the day. Forgetting about school and everything else. It wasn't teacher and student anymore, It was just two friends that both wished they could be something more.

A loud bell ringing interrupted the comfortable silence. School was officially over for the day.

"We should go back down now, okay?" Tanaka said as he got up from his spot next to Murao.

"Okay." Murao murmured in agreement.

They both made there way down the stairs and to Murao's classroom where her bag was. She would no doubt be given detention by the teacher for skipping, but she was okay with the consequences. Murao was about to turn the corner but stopped when she saw the two girls from before.

 _"I hate her"_

 _"I wish she would die"_

"Are you okay?" Tanaka questioned from behind her.

"Uhh yeah" she said, voice unstable.

"Doesn't seem like it."

"I'm fine."

Murao turned around to make a point but she stopped when she saw Tanka making a face. Murao wasn't sure how to describe it, but it seamed to be a mix of disapproval, anger, worry. The black haired girl couldn't help but think he looked silly but undeniably adorable with that dumb expression on his face.

"Did something happen with those girls?"

"It's fine, Tanaka"

"Muraaaaao"

"Tanakaaaa"

Tanaka had a frown on his face while Murao looked rather smug. He didn't like that she wouldn't tell him what was the matter. He just wanted to help her, but she was making it increasingly difficult by shutting him out. Murao turned back around and slowly wandered her way to the classroom. He could tell she didn't want to go it because of the for sure detention she was gonna get. Tanaka sighed and ran up ahead of her and beat her the the classroom.

'She is so lucky I'm here right now' he though to himself as he pulled her teacher aside.

"Hello, Tanaka. How can I help you?"

"Hello, Sato. I'm here to ask that you don't give Murao detention for skipping class. Something extremely traumatic happened to her recently and she's having trouble handling everything."

"Oh my, of course I won't give her a detention. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she just needs time. Well anyways, thank you for understanding."

"Oh of course."

With a smile Tanaka walked to her seat where her missed work and bag was placed. Grabbing both he left the room and handed them to Murao.

"Thank you, for everything. You really didn't have to do any of this." Murao said, clearly flustered and astounded by what Tanaka had just done for here. The teachers here were not easy to persuade.

"It's no problem, really. Anyways, I can give you a ride home if you would like?"

"That would be... Nice, thank you"

"Anytime."

It was the small things like these that made her fall in love with Tanaka in the first place. She felt like he was the only one who understood her. He was her first friend after all. Murao thought back to the day when she first met him. It was the time when she was called into the office to talk about her after high school plans. She remembers the little mole on his eyelid that he only showed to her and she remembers him explaining why he had to close both eyes because he couldn't wink.

"What'cha thinking about?" Tanaka inquired playfully.

"When I first met you." Murao said simply. She loved reminiscing about all the little quirky things he's done throughout the years she's known him; It pushed the memories of her mother into the back of her mind for the moment. She thought about all of the cat sweaters he owns and begun to smile lightly while suppressing a giggle. He could be such a dork sometimes; but, a lovable dork at that. Tanaka laughed lightly.

"I still can't believe you turned in a blank form."

"I still can't believe you showed me the mole on your eyelid."

They both fell into mutual laughter. Tanaka was beyond glad he was able to get her mind off of her mother. As someone who had lost his mother too, he knew how hard it it's to keep going. He silently applauded the girl for keeping it together for so long. When he got the call he immediately broke down.

"Speaking of which, have you ever shown anyone else your mole?"

Tanaka grinned at the question, remembering when she told him not to show anyone else as she left the office.

"As a matter of fact, I have not."

"Good." She said with a gentle smile on her face. The rest of the car ride was spent in a comfortable silence. The two both appreciated the presence of one another in silence. Tanaka loved the fact that it was never awkward with her.

"We are here." Tanaka said as he pulled into the vacant drive way.

"Thank you tanaka, goodbye."

"Goodbye Murao."

Tanaka waited in the drive way until he saw that she was safely inside. Sighing lightly he took off down the deserted street to get to his own house.

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間_ _-_

 **Review! Tell me if you cried XD**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

 _ **school has started because my life sucks like that**_

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り_ _-_

The first thing Murao saw when she walked into her house was a letter sitting on the welcome mat. She picked up the letter and carefully opened it, curious to see what was inside.

 _To my dearest daughter,_

 _Do not fret my child, for it is simply my time to take a place up in the stars. Although my life on this earth has come to an end, the memories we have made together shall live on forever. Remember baby, no matter how sad you may get, it's always passing... You may wake up blue, but by the afternoon, everything will be rosy. Sadness is a strange companion, and a nuisance at that; so try not to pay it too much mind. Be present in your happy moments - and weigh them against the sad. Do that, and you will arrive somewhere wonderful with a peace in your mind. I long for the day we meet again. Mommy loves you. Farewell, my beautiful little girl._

 _With all my love_

 _\- your mother_

 _Splat. Splat._

One after the other, fat tears dripped down Murao's face and splattered on her hand.

"Mother..." She called, her voice frail and almost inaudible.

 _"_ Come back... _"_ She cooed mourningly. Murao stood up shakily and slowly made her way to her down the hall. She stumbled into her mothers room, her vision clouded by unshed tears. The black haired girl wiped the tears from her eyes and looked around with a sad smile. The room was comforting to her, it was like her mother was still here in a sense. Murao's eyes trailed over all of her mothers belongings, a small note on the bed caught her attention. She picked up the note and began to read.

 _Shuuko,_

 _I kept the things most precious to me in a trunk on the top shelf of my closest. They now belong to you. Keep them safe for me darling._

 _Love,_

 _Your mother_

The ravenette immediately went to her closet and pulled the dusty wooden box off the top shelf. Murao took a moment to study the wooden box, it was rather large, made of mahogany and had beautiful carvings of koi fish and flowers decorating the entire box. She slowly undid the gold clasp on the front and opened the trunk, eyes falling on her mothers old belongings. Murao first pulled out a small stack of papers that were tied together by a black ribbon. A small note could be seen tucked under the silky ribbon.

 _These are recipes handed down from generation to generation, I selected only the best to pass down to you._

Murao smiled lightly, maybe she would hit the grocery store and get ingredients to make one of these dishes. Setting the recipes down next to her she picked up a black velvet box next. She opened it to find a beautiful locket, accompanied by another note.

 _Open it._

The black haired girl gently opened the locket and gazed at the photos inside. One picture was of Murao's mother and her father smiling lovingly at each other. Murao had no memory of her father, but he seemed to have loved her mother greatly. The next picture was of her and her mother playing underneath the sakura tree in the backyard. Muroa closed the locket and hugged it to her chest with a smile. Tears of happiness rolled down her cheeks as she put the necklace on. Next to come out was a old photo album. The black haired girl flipped through all the photos, cherishing each and every one. On the last page was another note from her mother.

 _I've always been told that memories are what warm you up from the inside, so I hope that this warmed you up a little._

Under the note was a picture of her mother and father kissing her cheeks when she was baby. The black haired girl smiled and traced the outline of the photo; her mother was right, she felt warm inside. Murao's tears stopped flowing, and she no longer felt an overwhelming sadness. Going through all of this made her feel like her mom was still with her. It was comforting. The next thing she pulled out of the old trunk was a CD. Another letter written by her mother replaced the inside cover.

 _When I was in college, I studied abroad in America. I knew I never really mentioned going to America, but when you told me you were taking up English I remembered about this CD a friend burned for me before I left the U.S. They're a few of my favorite American songs, I hope you can understand them._

 _Love,_

 _Your mother_

Murao smiled, her mother had always loved music. The black haired girl couldn't help but wonder what her mothers American friend put on here. Setting the CD aside Murao moved on to the next thing. The ravenette gasped as she pulled out a beautiful pale yellow kimono that was decorated with small green flowers with brown stems and beautiful golden dragons. As expected, Murao found a small note tied around the dark brown waist tie of the kimono.

 _I wore this too a festival with your father, it was our first date. I remember him being so shy and adorably awkward. Maybe you will wear this one day too, I bet you would look absolutely stunning._

Murao folded the kimono carefully and set it down, admiring the beautiful pattern. Next to come out was a old, beat up military jacket. A small crest of the Japanese Air Force was stitched on both shoulders. The inside was lined with a thick hunter green material while the outside I was a desert tan color. On the back was her fathers name and squad.

 _Akio Murao_

 _Squad 4_

 _Japan Air Self-Defense Force_

Murao smiled, she was glad to know something new about the mysterious man that was her father. The next thing Murao pulled out what appeared to be an antique dagger. She was amazed by the complex carvings in the hilt and sheath of the dagger. A small note was tied around the hilt.

 _That's right your mother was a badass. I was given this knife by my grandmother when I was fourteen. It was always very special to me so I though I would pass it down to you. Please, don't kill anything though._

The ravenette laughed lightly at the note her mother left. Her mom had always been funny. The last thing in the trunk was a perfume bottle. Murao brought it up to her nose and sniffed the liquid. A smile came to her face as she recognized the smell. It was the smell her grandmother and mother had always worn. The last note was laying at the bottom of the trunk.

I love you.

Murao felt hot tears roll down her cheeks. She was really going to miss her mother. She neatly packed everything back into the trunk and set it on the floor next to the bed. Murao curled up into her mothers bed and let her mind drift to sleep.

"Goodnight mother, I love you" The black haired girl murmured sleepily before shutting her eyes.

 _ **Goodnight dear, I love you too.**_

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り_ _-_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Ao Haru Ride**

 **A/N: sorry this is taking so long, I forgot about this story tbh and I almost never have free time anymore (big thanks to school and sports for that) anyway I hope y'all enjoy this small chapter :))))))**

 **Review :))))))))))) it would make my day**

 _ **-**_ _ **あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間**_ _ **-**_

 **Dear AddictedPenguin, THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU! I'm so happy to hear that you like my story, I can't even put how grateful I am of your review into words. I think I've read your review at least 10 times and it's never once failed to put a smile on my face and make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside :) it's people like you that make me want to keep writing. To be completely honest I completely forgot about this story until now, but now I'm going to keep writing it for you! So thank you so much for leaving such a wonderful review and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間_ _-_

 _Murao didn't go to school the next day._

 _Or the day after that..._

 _And the day after that..._

 _Tanaka was starting to get worried; It wasn't like Murao to miss class this often..._

Tanaka's POV

Where was Murao? It's been three days. I knew I shouldn't be worrying so much; but still, I guess I kinda miss her already... There's never been more then a day where she didn't stop by and say hi in the morning or walk with me to classes.

Maybe I should check on her...

No, maybe people would get the wrong idea...

But it's not bad to be friends with students isn't it?

I'm gonna visit her, I decided. With everything she's been through, leaving her alone might not be the best thing.

I know from experience.

I waited anxiously for school to end, I wanted too see her, to make sure she is okay. Memories of my own mothers death and not being there for my brother resurfaced. I didn't want Murao to end up like kou did; cold and distant. The more I thought of my brother, the more I wanted, no, needed to see Murao. There's nothing that could be more suffocating then silence at a time like this...

Murao's POV

I woke up cuddled by warmth, the familiar scent of sandalwood whisping around lazily. Light flooded into my room from the large window, illuminating the space. I peeled the thick layer of comforters off my bare legs and swung them over the side of my bed to meet the floor. I slipped my feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers and stood up, stretching out my back and arms in the process. I slowly padded my way towards the door, throwing my mothers favorite thick wool cardigan. She used to wear it all the time; to work, to clean, to bed, pretty much everywhere. A little smile graced my face as I sunk into the inviting fabric. I glanced up at the clock briefly, it's was 11:30 am. Next I looked over at the small pile of work that I had to complete from missing two days of school, today marking three.

Maybe I should go back...

But, I don't want to see those girls, or hear their parsimonious words.

"I wish she would just die!"

I scoffed lightly, if she lost her mother too, she would be eaten alive by the silence; similar to how I am...

Only the sounds of my footsteps reverberated throughout the house, the familiar sounds of the radio, or humming were absent; Instead I was left to my thoughts.

 _Time of death, 9:27_

The doctors words echoed through the hall and my mind, it sent shivers down my spine. I tried to shut out the thoughts and memories, but they proved to be too strong, too over powering, too... real.

 _Goodbye dear..._

My fist tightened, the weight of her life came crashing down on my shoulders. Debris of her memories clattered to the floor causing dust of remembrance to cloud my being. I needed to fill the void of silence with something, anything. I hurriedly walked over to the stereo in the back to the family room and pulled my mothers old CD of American songs, it was perfect.

I pushed play, and let the foreign sounds begin to ward off the silence. I took a deep breath and walked to the kitchen. The music calmed me, even though I couldn't understand the lyrics that well. I settled for a simple breakfast of cut up fruit and tea. I decided to start making a dent in the ever growing pile of work I had to complete, And as I began to work, time just faded away around me.

Tanaka's POV

With every quiet tick of the clock, I became more on edge. My patience was wearing thin, but it was only 3rd period, I have three other classes after this. What I was teaching in class didn't help to quench the anxiousness. My student were watching a documentary that I had already seen at least a hundred times. All I could do was mindlessly grade papers and wonder how Murao was holding up.

After 45 minutes of doing nothing the bell finally rang signaling class was over and it was lunch. I wandered into the staff room and pulled my lunch out of the fridge. I plopped down into a chair with a sigh and began to munch on my salad.

"What's got your panties in a twist?"

I look across the table to see Abel, a fellow teacher, sit across from me. I gave her a look and set my fork down.

"It's... Complicated."

"Well we've got time, class doesn't start for an hour."

I leaned back in my seat with a sigh, she got me there.

"Well I have this friend.. And something happened to her but she's holing herself up in her house and won't let me in..."

I poured everything I was anxious about to my coworker; like word vomit. After a few seconds of silence, she responded.

"It seams like isolation is her coping mechanism, but tanaka... Isolation is the worst possible counselor. Don't wait for her to come to you, go to her."

I let her words of wisdom sink in, _don't wait for her to come to you, go to her._ That phrase bounced around my mind like a broken record. I felt more solid about my decision, but I also felt more anxious about seeing her. I just wanted so go see her, but I had 3 more hours of watching some dumb documentary and rowdy teenagers to deal with first. Oh the joys of being a teacher.

"Thanks Abel, I have one question for you"

"Ask away."

"What origin is your name?"

"I don't know."

I gave her a weird look, she just stared back and shrugged.

"Aren't you a world history teacher/fanatic?"

"Tell me tanaka, what are the answers to Hilbert's problems?"

"I don't know..."

"Aren't you a math teacher?"

"Touché."

She smirked at me knowingly as the gears in my head started whirling,

"Wait... Isn't David Hilbert the guy who proposed 23 impossible to answer questions in the 1900's?"

"Maybe."

Before I could retaliate the bell rang signaling class to start again. I sluggishly walked back to my classroom, mentally preparing myself for hearing about Pythagoras for the 4th time today.

For the rest of the seemingly endless school day I thought of Murao, hoping to myself that she is okay.

 **Review s'il vous plait :))))))))))))))))) thanks for reading fam**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ao Haru Ride**

 **A/N: I hope you guys don't mind the slow build ;))) anyways, thanks for reading! If you have any suggestions for little things that could happen between Tanaka and Murao you can either put it in the reviews or PM me, ily guys and thanks for supporting me!**

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間_ _-_

Isat at the table, a pile of finished homework to my left and a steaming cup of green tea to my right. I sketched aimlessly and thought about tanaka sensei. I wondered how his classes were going, if he noticed I was gone...

I scoffed lightly, as if. He probably hasn't noticed my absence at all. I looked down at the paper I was absent mindedly doodling on. I had drawn a person; but not just any person, It was tanaka. I sighed lightly, just the person I didn't want to think about. I lightly trace the black lines with my finger,

"What if..." I whispered to myself.

I could feel myself sinking; remorse, self hate and hopeless love attached to my limbs and pulled me under the vast ocean of nothingness. I let my hand curl into a fist, dragging the paper along with it. Someone once told me that silence always spoke the loudest, but I guess I never realized that to be true until now. I breathed in deeply and savored the aroma of the rain fall outside and my tea. An air of overwhelming loneliness took over me. I wanted my mother to be here with me; I wanted her to talk and laugh with me; I wanted her to fold a thousand paper cranes with me; I just wanted her. A curt knock at my door interrupted my thoughts. I stood up and wandered over to the door, who could it possibly be? It's not like I have friends or anything... Maybe it's the neighbors.

When I opened the door, I was surprised to see what was standing on the other side. My eyes met a soggy Tanaka with a look of relief..? And also worry.

"T-Tanaka-san?"

He flashed me a goofy smile, making my heart flutter slightly.

"Hey." He said, slightly breathy. I let a small smile wash across my face, maybe... Maybe he did care after all.

"Would you like to come inside, you look a little cold." I offered softly, my voice almost drowned in the pounding of the rain.

"Sure."

I smiled lightly, stepping back to let Tanaka in. His far from graceful footsteps filled the suffocatingly silent house, making it seem more... Alive.

"How are you holding up?" He asked, his voice silky smooth.

"I'm fine."

"Are you?"

I looked at the ground, avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah."

I could see Tanaka's feet move closer to mine, his hand found its way on to my shoulder. I internally shivered at the sudden touch, his large palms and slender fingers covered the entirety of my shoulder, the tip of his thumb lightly rested on my bare collar bone.

"Look at me."

I kept my gaze on the wall, I didn't want him to know how I really was... I didn't need his pity.

"Look at me Murao..." He whispered, tilting my chin up gently.

I hated how kind he was.

I hated how gentle he was.

I hated how much he cared.

I hated how hopelessly in love I am with him.

"Are you really okay?"

 _No_

"I'm fine"

 _No I'm not_

"Are you sure?"

 _No, please help me, I'm falling apart._

"y-yeah"

 _I'm lying, please tell me you can see it._

"Stop lying to me Murao, let me help you."

My heart fluttered slightly, he- he didn't... leave.

I couldn't pull my gaze away from him, his entrancing eyes made it impossible for me to look away no matter how much I wanted too. I felt tears spill over and streak down my face. I couldn't hold them back any longer; I was just so broken. I tried to keep a straight face, I tried to keep my own personal hell hidden within the depths of my eyes that no one ever bothered to look into; except Tanaka. He completely shattered my facade, everything I hid was now exposed.

"Murao..." He whispered in a concerned voice. I bit my lip, trying to stop my lip from quivering.

Next think I knew my face was buried in the crook of Tanaka's neck, and his hand was gently running through my hair. The tears began to flow harder and I finally let myself mourn. I felt his arms tightened around my shaking figure as we slowly sunk to the floor.

"Its okay, your not alone." He gently whispered into my ear as he rubbed comforting circles on my back.

"Your not alone."

He pulled away just enough to see my face, his gaze was soft and heart-warming.

His large hands reached up and brushed his thumb across my cheek, wiping away stray tears. I let my head slightly rest in his hands, I was to exhausted to even lift my head up.

"Sorry..." I said breaking the silence, my voice slightly raspy from crying.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Tanaka's smooth voice flowed through my ears, calming me, but I still couldn't believe his words.

"I brought some movies, do you want to watch one?" The black haired man in front of me offered. I gave a weak smile and nodded.

"Thank you, Tanaka" I said quietly as I pulled myself up and led him to the TV.

We ended up choosing Totoro to watch. It had been years since both of us had last seen it. We settled down on the couch and watched contently as the beginning of the film began to play.

I let my thoughts wander off as I snuggled into the couch next to Tanaka. I appreciated Tanaka coming and warding off the deafening silence, but I couldn't help but wonder-

 _Why was he here...?_

 _Did he really care?_

 _Or was he forced to check on me..._

Probably the latter.

My mood suddenly darkened, my facial features visibly hardened.

 _Was it funny? Was it funny to watch me fall apart like this?_

I shifted my position away from Tanaka slightly. My movements caught his attention and caused him to look over at me.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked gently, putting a hand on my shoulder.

 _No. I'm not._

"Yeah." I replied curtly. I kept my gaze ahead and tried my best to ignore his calculating stare down at me. I felt warm arms incase me and pull my body closer to his.

"Stop lying. I know your not okay... I can see it in your eyes," Tanaka quietly pleaded into my ear, "please, let me help you. Just stop lying. You cant do this alone Murao..."

My eyes widened in surprise.

"Just stop," I said quietly.

"Wha-"

"Stop pretending like you care! Why are you even here anyway"

Tanaka pulled away, shock written across his face and a look of anger flashed in his eyes.

"What makes you think I don't care?!"

"Because no one ever has before! No one wants to be alone Tanaka! I've lived my whole life in the shadows of others, my mother was the only one who cared about me! And now she's gone!"

I shouted out before I could stop myself,

"That's why I think you don't care..."

I pulled away from his grasp and leaned back in to the couch. I ran my fingers through my hair with a sigh. Tanaka sat frozen, his eyes wide. I looked back to the TV and watched the end credits roll anxiously waiting for a response.

"I care..." Tanaka whispered barely loud enough for me to hear.

"Wha-"

"I care." He said, this time in a louder voice. Everything was frozen in time, I didn't know what to think, how to react. I just stared at him wide eyed; unable to form words.

Someone... Cares.

My body move on its own accord as I lept up and wrapped my arms around him in a tight embrace.

Tanaka's POV

I pulled away from Murao in surprise;

"What makes you think I don't care?!" I asked, undertones of anger in my voice. How could she possibly think I don't care? I care so much it hurts, if only she knew... If only I could tell her how I really feel...

"Because no one ever has before! No one wants to be alone Tanaka! I've lived my whole life in the shadows of others, my mother was the only one who cared about me! And now she's gone!"

My heart stopped beating, air was frozen in my lungs. I didn't even know how to react. It broke my heart to hear those words come from the very person I cared so deeply for.

"I care..." I whispered lightly. Those were the only words I was able to form. I was still in a state of shock.

"Wha-"

"I care." My voice gained strength and I looked up to meet her gaze. I stared into her beautiful storm grey eyes, they were swirling with so much unexpressed emotions. Everything she ever held inside was now completely visible; like looking through glass.

Murao stared at me, wide eyed, for a few seconds before she practically jumped on me and hugged me tightly. I felt her nuzzle her face into the crook of my neck, it brought a smile to my face. I was so content in this moment, just holding her in my arms felt so... Right.

"Thank you" I felt Murao mumble into my neck sending shivers down my spine. I smiled to myself and rested my chin on top of her silky hair.

We sat in a comfortable silence, Murao pressed up against my chest and my arms wrapped around her small frame; it was something I had secretly longed for.

"Tanaka" Murao spoke quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever felt so alone, and nothing makes sense? Well that's how I feel. I'm facing everything by myself with nothing left but tears in my eyes and a fake smile... I don't want to be alone anymore Tanaka, I don't want to be alone..."

Her pleading tone of voice made my heart burn, hearing her say that... It hurt.

"You won't be, I'm here... I'm always here."

Time passed quickly; seconds turned to minutes and minutes faded to hours. Soon enough it was dark out, and Murao had drifted to sleep...

 _-_ _あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間_ _-_

 **Ahh! This chapter was so fun to write! I think it's the longest chapter that I've written for this story. I hope y'all enjoyed the fluff and lack of really really sad stuff (don't worry tho, more sad will come :P) lets play a game: how many made up words can you find? XD drop a review if you have any ideas for late chapters, you can PM me too!**

 **REVIEW! Murao's mom would want you too...**

 **Thank you so much for reading!**

 **-KirigiriKyoko**


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, I just had the best idea for this story, but it requires rewriting... It might take awhile for me to get through everything but I promise it will make the story a lot better and maybe even more sad (but relatable in a way) I feel like I can do more to make you guys have more of a understanding or connection with Murao. I know that when I read stuff it's really important for me to connect with the characters. I've also sort hit a dead end in my writing, I can't come up with any working ideas for my next chapter, so, I decided I'm going to start over. Don't worry, it's going to be the same plot and stuff, but I'm going to have things unfold slower and have more of inner turmoil that Murao feels. I've hinted at some things both of them feel but I really want to make it more obvious. I've also decided to add some characters earlier on so the second thru fourth chapters are going to be relatively different. I promise that this won't turn out horrible :))))) thanks for all the support I've been given to write this story (you know who you are :P) also all grammar issues will be fixed, I usually type this story into my notes on my phone, so the auto correct system doesn't catch grammar issues just spelling.

Thank you guys so much for understanding, I will try to get the edited version out by Saturday the 31st (Halloween) or Monday November 2nd, It really depends on my schedule. Anyways, leave a review or PM me if you have any thoughts on this :))))

Much love

\- KirigiriKyoko


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hey guys, I sorta backed myself into a corner with the rewrite so I'm going to just continue with this and see how it goes. Hopefully you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Ao Haru Ride

Review! It would make me v happy ^o^

\- あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間 -

I stood outside the gates, staring up at the building in front of me dauntingly.

Was I ready?

I took a deep breath and pushed all my anxiety into the back of my mind. I walked though the gate and up to the school doors; there was no turning back now.

The hallways were crowded, people packed bum to bust trying to squeeze down the hall to their first class. It was always hectic in the morning, irritatingly so. I pushed my way through the crowd, trying to get away from the masses.

"Hey!"

"Watch it!"

"Don't touch me! Stupid bitch."

The last comment stung. Looks like I was still hated... I finally pushed my way out from the matrix of students and walked up the stairs to the 5th floor. It was the arts floor, my first period was AP studio art. It was probably my favorite class; it was the only class I felt welcomed in, considering I was the only third year. Everyone else was a first or second year. No one knew about my past and I was never ridiculed.

"Good morning Murao-Senpai!" A chorus of cheery voices said as I walked into the art room.

"Good morning everyone" I said quietly, walking over to my station and uncovering my work in progress. I felt most at ease in this class, I could be myself and not be in fear of the consequences.

"Murao-Senpai, where were you that past few days?"

"Yeah, we missed you!"

I smiled lightly, these kids really grew on me.

"Nothing you all need to worry about." I answered, turning around to face my half painted canvas. It was a girl, had long black hair and closed eyes.

She looked... Serene.

I wasn't sure what possessed me to paint this, and what this painting meant. But, I did know that I liked and that I connected with it. I put my brush up to the canvas and let my imagination flow.

By the end of the class period my painting was finished, and colors stained my hands.

"Wow, that's beautiful!"

"Woah!"

"You're amazing!"

I thanked everyone and walked out of the room, a small smile on my face. The smile disappeared as quick as it has came. Glares from the girls standing along the third years hallway filled my vision, bringing my mood down considerably. I had been dealing with this for the past 2 years, but the sinking feeling in my heart never ceased. I kept my head down and walked quickly to my next class. I could hear their harsh Whispers as I went by;

"She's too pretty, I hope she slams her face into something."

"Omg I know right!"

"I heard her mother died a few days ago."

"Serves her right."

"I bet she only gets good grades because she fucks the teachers."

"I feel bad for her family, having to deal with that bitch all the time must suck."

I bowed my head even further, hiding the tears beginning to well up in my eyes.

What did I do to deserve this?

My hands tightened around my books, one lone tear streamed down and dropped onto my books.

Was coming back a good idea?

Maybe I should've just stayed home...

I finally reached my class room and plopped down in my seat, I sat in the back corner by the window. I let my mind wander as I waited for the period to start.

I watched as birds circled around each other and flew up to great heights. I wish I could be like them, be able to escape all my worries...

"Good morning class, Mr. Dunn was unable to make it to school today so I will be subbing in."

I froze in my seat. No... Way...

I stared in horror as Tanaka-Sensei wrote his name up on the board.

"Some of you may know me and some of you may not. I'm Mr. Tanaka, I teach Math and English here."

All the girls around me made heart eyes at Tanaka as he began to take roll call. I was still frozen in time. The bullying in this class was always the worst, I prayed to God that he wouldn't notice.

The person behind me began to stab me in the back with what feet like a sharpened pencil. I tried not to flinch and keep a straight face, but it was hard. I could feel little droplets of blood form and soak into my undershirt. Their muffled laughter made my stomach drop.

"Is something going on back there?" The snickering behind me stopped;

"No Sensei."

Tanaka gave me a subtle glance; I kept a straight face. Once he turned back around to write something else, the poking started happening again. This time, they pushed hard. The pain and suddenness of the jab cause me to yelp quietly, just loud enough for Tanaka to hear. He looked over his shoulder at me;

"Sorry sensei I have the hiccups." I covered quickly.

"Go get a drink of water then, it should help." He said with a smile, turning to face the class. I stood up and walked to the very back of the room where to door was, completely unaware of the little red splotches decorating the the back of my shirt. I was also unaware of Tanaka's eyes trailing my back and the frown spreading across his face.

\- あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間 -

Oooooh the next chapter is going to be heated. Sorry for this being like 3 weeks late I'm extremely busy... And lazy. Anyways, as you can see I like to pile Murao's problems on top of one another but I've run out of depressing things to throw in so this story might be ending soon. BUT; I'm probably going to start another Tanaka x Murao fic after this one so stay tuned. Thanks so much for reading

REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 7

**Back with the last chapter, I hope you all enjoy it!**

 **Review!**

\- あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間 -

I walked down the hall, my blazer on to cover the blood spots. I tried to suppress the sinking feeling in my stomach,

What if Tanaka saw?

What if he knew I was being bullied?

Little did I know, he already knew...

I clenched my fist. I would've been fine if they just waited until next period to assault me, but no; they just had to do it right then. I slowed my pace considerably as I noticed my classroom rapidly approaching. I didn't want to go back in, I didn't what to know what they would do next; or if Tanaka knew. I stopped in my tracks, head bowed. Why did it have to be me? Why I can't I be normal... Like everyone else?

I don't want to live like this anymore...

I slid down the wall I was leaning against, feeling every pin prick of pain from the small wounds on my back.

What's wrong with me?

I second guess myself to death.

I re-solicit every step.

Why do I have to be this way?

Why..?

I curled in on myself, and rested my head on the wall behind me. I wanted to cry, to feel the hot tears drop down my face; but my eyes were dry. It was as if I ran out of tears to shed.

"Help me... Mother..."

I heard the familiar pitter patter of rain on the window above me. I stood up slowly and gazed out across the school yard.

It was like the sky was crying for me...

I leaned my head on the glass pane, and let the rain overcome the entirety of my senses.

The loud ringing of the bell shattered my peaceful revere, bringing an overwhelming feeling of dread with it. I briskly walked down the hall, trying to reach my classroom to grab my bag as quickly as possible. The room looked completely empty when I wandered in.

Key word; looked.

Before I was able to make my way to the secluded spot I usually eat lunch at, the door to the classroom slid shut. I jumped slightly at the sudden sound. I turned around in horror, thinking it was some kid here to torture me. I relaxed when I saw the familiar color of Tanaka's shirt.

"Hey." I said quietly.

"You came to school today." He said, walking towards me. I couldn't pin point the exact expression on his face, but it wasn't his usual smile.

"Yeah... Are you okay Tanaka?" I asked slightly concerned.

"No." He said bluntly.

I was slightly confused, he wasn't usually like this. I opened my mouth to say something; but before I could speak he cut me off.

"Show me."

"Wha-"

"Show me." He said again, this time more commanding. I looked down at my feet, I knew exactly what he was talking about.

So It seams he already knew...

I shrugged of my blazer and lifted up my sweater and dress shirt just enough for him to see a few of the little stab marks decorating my back. I couldn't see his expression, but I didn't want to. I flinched slightly when his cold hands made contact with my warm skin.

"Murao..." He whispered, his ghost of a touch sweeping across my back.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He said barely above a whisper. His voice was deep and sounded almost... Broken? I bowed my head and stood in silence. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

I let the hand holding my shirt up fall to my side.

"Why?" He said again, this time more pleading.

"Because I didn't know how." I whispered, turning around to face him but avoiding eye contact. I felt as his warm arms encircled my petite frame and pulled me into his embrace.

"You don't deserve this." He whispered in my ear.

"I don't understand..." He went on, face buried in my shoulder.

"Why does it have to be you?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my chin on his shoulder.

"It's okay, I'm fine..."

Am I?

"No it's not okay," he said into my neck. I shivered when I felt his hot breath on my skin.

"And you're not fine."

"Why do you care so much?" I whispered, my arms falling back down to my side. He lifted his head of my shoulder and looked me directly in the eyes.

"Why wouldn't I?" He countered, a small smile gracing his face. A warm fuzzy feeling formed in the pit of my stomach, and a dusty pink color brushed my cheeks.

"Thank you." I said slightly flustered.

"No need to thank me"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was around 6:30 pm, the sun had set hours ago leaving the house blanketed in darkness. Usually I would be doing homework instead of lounging on the couch watching tv, but it was a weekend so why not? A loud rumble originating from my stomach interrupted my train of thought.

When was the last time I ate?

Oh yeah, last night...

I really needed to take care of myself better, I had already lost weight due to my laziness and general lack of care. I continued to stare at the screen in front of me and ignored the incessant rumbling of my stomach.

A knock at my door reverberated through the house, startling me slightly. I got up and sluggishly walked to the entryway, wondering who could possibly be here at this time of day. I swung the door open and was brought face to face with a blushing Tanaka.

"...Tanaka?"

He scratched the back of his neck nervously, it was kind of endearing...

"Yours truly"

I smiled lightly and stepped to the side, letting the cold man in.

"What's up?" I asked, curious as to why he was here, not that I minded the company.

"Well, I was supposed to have dinner with my brother but he was-"

"A no-show?" I finished, brow raised.

"Yeah," he said with a laugh, "so I thought I would come over here and make dinner with you."

I smiled at the thought of actual home cooked food. Almost on queue my stomach rumbled loudly, causing a slight blush to dust my cheeks.

"Uhh.." I said, laughing lightly.

"When's the last time you ate something?"

"Yesterday?" I answered dumbly.

"Jesus Murao, we need to get some food in you." He said taking his shoes off and walking down the hall like he owned to place.

It was...cute.

I followed suit, curious to see what he had in store for us.

"What'cha making?" I asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Ramen."

"Like the instant kind?"

Tanaka stopped what he was doing and turned around, mock hurt on his face.

"No, the good kind. You have little faith in me Murao, I'm hurt."

"Drama queen" I retorted, walked over to help him.

"That's drama king to you, thank you very much." He said, making a hilarious bitch face at me.

"What are you, 12?"

"And a half." He stated matter-of-factly. I laughed at his comment, it wasn't often, but tanaka could be a real sass-master sometimes. I looked at Tanaka's dorky grin and the way the corner of his eyes crinkled slightly when he smiled. I loved to see this side of tanaka, it was a nice refresher from everything going on around me.

After a total of 30 minutes and two almost food fights later, our food was ready. It's was almost shocking to me how well we got along, I usually got frustrated with people after a month or so, but never Tanaka.

I brushed my thoughts to the side and took a bite of the steaming bowl of ramen in front of me. I suppressed a moan, delicious flavor exploded my tastebuds; Since when did ramen taste this good?

"Oh my god Tanaka this is delicious."

He chuckled lightly, (probably at my dumb expression) and proceeded to puff his chest out in what seamed like pride.

"Why thank you"

The rest of the meal was spent in a playful banter and attempts to kick each other under the table. I felt like I was a carefree child again, and I liked it. The weight on my shoulders was seemingly lighter and I could finally laugh and smile. We brought our dishes up to the sink and began to wash them, side by side. Tanaka began to hum lightly next to me, and that's when I noticed the music. It wasn't long before I was nodding along with the tune, leering the lyrics sink in.

"Been so long since I seen your face

or felt a part of this human race"

The mans voice was deep and somewhat raspy, but smooth at the same time. It was easy to get pulled in to the song.

A hand wrapped around mine and pulled me away from the sink. I looked up at tanaka, who was looking down at me, mouthing the lyrics with a smile. He pulled me into him and began to sway with the song.

"Still don't know what love means"

Tanaka and I held each others soft gaze as we danced around the kitchen. He spun me around gently and then guided me back to his chest. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my breath hitched in my throat. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him.

"Still don't know what love means"

I watched Tanaka's mouth move as he softly sang along. I was entranced, I couldn't pull myself away. Everything about him kept pushing me closer and closer. But the thing is, I didn't resist it.

I let my mind go slack as I continued to dance Along with tanaka. One of his hands trailed up my side and to my face. He gently caressed my cheek with his thumb and unconsciously leaned down closer to me. Our lips were only inches apart. I watched as his eyes flickered down to my lips and back to my eyes. I noticed the little specks of green hidden in Tanaka's Beautiful Amber eyes. I didn't think this man could be any more perfect, but it seams as if I was wrong. I moved up on to my tippy toes and closed my eyes as we both inched forward. His breath tingled on my lips and my heart beat speed up. As the longing became almost unbearable, his lips finally met mine.

The feeling was euphoric. His hand dropped to my waist and pulled me into him, and my arms snaked up around his neck. It was a short kiss, but sweet nonetheless. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. We pulled apart and rested our foreheads against one another's. My heart was still racing, and I could hear his pounding in his chest. I smiled and leaned into his touch. I ran my hand through his silky hair, and the pad of his thumb brushed over my cheek.

"Murao?" He said softly

"Yeah?" I said, gliding my fingers over the nape of his neck.

"I think I love you."

My breath hitched and my stomach fluttered.

"I think I love you too."

\- あ愛の鞭を亜城木の周り間 -

 **I'm literally dying right now, I love myself for writing this. That kiss scene tho, just oh man, it hit me right in the feels. I've finally finished this story, but don't worry, another one is in the works right now. I don't really know how long it will take me to squeeze out the first chapter but I will try to get it out soon. Maybe a few weeks? Anyways, what did you guys think? Was it a good ending? Did it finally quench the need for a kiss ;))) let me know in the reviews! Also happy thanksgiving guys! I hope the holiday was fantastic. The inspiration for the pre kissing scene kitchen dancing thing came from last night. The song I used in the fic was playing and the second I heard it I finally got over my writers block and typed the ending out like a speed demon. ALSO, I finally got the courage to slide into the dm's of the guy I like. Needless to say I'm pretty proud of myself. (Not that any of you care but whatever)**

 **thanks for reading!**

 **Review :)))**

 **-Kirigiri**

 **Song credits: Jolene - Ray LaMotagne**

 **I do not own the song ^^^**


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